Storming Westminster and Killing Wildlife

When I hear of the current polls showing the Tories struggling to form the next government, I hark back to the golden days when oiks didn't have a vote and only my rich, aristocratic friends decided who should form the government.

I was discussing such a lamentable state of affairs this afternoon with my good Friends Algernon and Giles, the latter who is the Master Huntsman of the Squiffington-on-the-Wold hunt.

"What, What Giles old chap", I said, "if Sir David Cameron doesn't become our next PM, how on earth are we going to be able to brutally slay wild animals for fun?". Giles and Algernon told me not to worry, as they had it on good authority that the Countryside Alliance are planning to storm Parliament and seize power on the 7th May if things go pear-shaped! Good old Otis!

This of course if top secret- so don't tell anyone! Tally ho, what what my brave in-bred country folk!

Riding Roughshod over the Oiks

I have been canvassing a scruffy council estate tonight with my good hunting friends Nigel, Anastasia and Rupert. We are not allowed to mention our love of killing foxes for pleasure nor wear our hunting gear, but we tried to get the little oiks to vote Tory nevertheless.

I was shocked that none of them were actually going to vote Tory, saying we were just stuck up posh people totally out of touch with reality! How dare they- they shouldn't be allowed to vote! Their houses were so smelly and dingy and one man even told me to "F*** off!" When the Dimpleton on Sea Hunt resumes I shall make a point of trampling through his garden with my hounds in pursuit of Reynard.

After our fruitless pursuit of votes among the proles we retired to my 12th century banquet hall for a feast of pheasant and 300 year old port. Recession, what recession- what what!! Down with oiks and lefties!

Nightmares under New Labour- Tally Ho!

What what!- what is the world coming to when these bloody liberal do-gooders have outlawed all of our favourite past-times- cock fighting, hare coursing, badger-baiting, etc.!? And as for my beloved killing of foxes, well- words can't express it.........

I used to love waking as a young boy, putting on my jodphurs and joining the West Dimpleton on Sea Hunt, pounding through the countryside, fuelled by blood-lust as I closed in on that pesky Reynard!

I dreamed about this the other night, but then awoke, to find myself in the nightmare of New labour's Britain when this bloodthirsty past-time is strictly prohibited! "Never mind, not for much longer", I told my wife Cressida as I awoke in a state of distress, "We'll have those Labour oiks out soon and then I can enjoy my gloriously violent past-time yet again!".

Now where is that blue rosette? I'm off to force my tenants to vote Tory or they're getting evicted. That's compassionate conservatism for you!

Tally ho, what what!

Down with Lefties!

By jove old chaps- I've just taken over this site from a terrible oik of a man who used to spout left-wing ramblings of the worst kind possible! I showed him the door and evicted him from his peasants' cottage on my vast estate in the process- along with his wife and kids. It's off to the workhouse for them I tell you, what what!!

Well we shall have no more of that! What what! This blog shall be moving in a new aristocratic direction- just like this great old country of ours if Lord David Cameron hopefully gets his way!

There shall be nothing bolshy about it any longer! For I am Lord Tarquin, a blue-blooded, monocle-wearing, Tory-loving, third cousin of the Duke of Wednesleydale and an avid lover of murdering animals of all kind, whether they be foxes, sheep, goats, hares or anything else that moves for that matter.

It is for this reason that you all simply must vote Tory on May 6th so that me and my chums can get back our beloved sport of killing foxes, hares and deer for pleasure. My youngest wee boy Barnaby, who's only 4 months old, is simply longing to be smeared in blood after his first kill! So make haste and get the Tories elected- Tally Ho- what what!!

Keep looking at my spiffing blog and down with all working-class oiks!

Optimism for Northern Ireland

Having just returned from a research visit to Belfast, I was struck by what a pleasant and attractive city it is. It was full of hustle and bustle and the local economy seemed to be booming. Speaking to republicans, they feel genuinely and understandably pleased to be treated a lot better and not like second-class citizens. As I was driven down West Belfast's Falls Road it seemed hard to believe that this was the cockpit of the sectarian and terrorist struggle less than 20 years ago.

It is maybe too soon to say the conflict is over once and for all, but thing are looking up in Northern Ireland. This is surely a good sign for other global conflicts that appear to be intractable. Governments can do good it seems, and there was particular praise for Bill Clinton and his role in the peace process. Let's hope the stability remains, for everyone's sake.

More bad government!

Two stories that highlight the current government's lack of touch with reality and which illustrate how it is driving voters and supporters away in their droves.

The first is the decision is to maintain Blair's poodle-like subservience to the USA and allow Gary McKinnon to be extradited without a whimper. Shame on you Alan Johnson! The British Home Secretary should be ensuring this man is dealt with fairly in this country, not made an example of in the USA. Could you seriously envisage the Americans allowing one of their citizens to be treated this way?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8179059.stm

And then pops along Harriet Harperson to make some ridiculous comments about men not being trusted to run this country and promising that women should have a permanent place in the Labour leadership. These comments are so out of tune with the meritocratic mentality of most people, yet Harriet still seems to have some feminist siege mentality that sees male oppression everywhere.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8180195.stm

Time has moved on Harriet from the days when women were to be seen and not heard. We did after all have a female Prime Minister for eleven and a half years, and given that she proceeded to wreck the country, she is probably not seen as a good role model to many! She did however get there on her own ability, which is to be admired, and not by some form of gender-balancing social engineering. People should govern on merit, regardless of age, gender or any other feature. Harriet is hardly the best example of allowing women near the centre of government anyhow, and her ridiculously PC views deserve pride of place in the dustbin of political debate.

'Animal Rights Groups Not Complacent' Claim!

Although I have my doubts about the effectiveness of the animal rights lobby blocking a future Tory attempt to destroy the welcome ban on fox-hunting, the anti-hunting lobby inform me that are in control of matters and not to worry. I wish I shared their confidence (e-mail from International Fund for Animal Welfare below), as I fear they underestimate the insatiable blood-lust of grassroots Conservatives!!!

From: IFAW

Sent: 10 July 2009 15:45

To: __________________

Subject: RE: fox hunting

Dear Mr____________,

I am aware that there are members of the pro-hunt lobby who are also Conservative voters that are very vociferous about their aim to bring back hunting. However the polling I referred to was carried out by an independent reputable polling company and therefore is a far more reliable source of information. IFAW is of the view that it is a good thing most Tory voters don't support hunting and this is something which we need to continue to point out to their shadow front benchers.

I am sorry you have formed the conclusion that our approach is complacent, as this is simply not the case. If that were so we would not continue our valuable work in this area.

I am sure you will be aware that it is necessary for us to keep the details of our strategy confidential given the nature of the opposition on this issue. IFAW is working closely with the League Against Cruel Sports and I do hope you will continue to follow IFAWs campaign in the run up to the election.

Kind regards,